Yesterday started out as an abnormally good day.
I woke up semi-early (that means before 11am, I sleep forever when I work nights), hopped on to my blog and saw I had a comment from the amazing blogger, David Cain from Raptitude.com, writer of many incredible, thought provoking and motivating articles, and as put in his About Raptitude section, “Raptitude is a blog for getting better at being human.” But enough gushing, for now!
Headed off to Hooligan Ink with my new friend and co-worker, Amber. It was pretty fun, she got a gorgeous piece started on her arm, and saw some interesting characters came in and out, including a man off the street coming in to try to sell some 9mm ammo, and coupons. I get a phone call from my mother saying something’s wrong with my horse, that he’s dying. He was shaking, bleeding from the mouth, and thrashing to get up. It ended up in me having to make the decision to have him put down. This is the second time I’ve had to make that decision, and I was being hard on myself about being a horrible owner, because I don’t know what happened, my horse was great in the morning, and I couldn’t do anything about it.
This whole ordeal really upset me, I was embarrassed about crying at Hooligan Ink in front of a bunch of customers, and people I knew, I felt like a horrible owner for not being able to do anything more, but this morning I sat down and really thought it over, and tried to pull something positive out of it.
I’m strong. I made the decision that had to be made even with emotions running high, without leaning on Jon as a crutch, since he was out of town, even though I did consult him a lot.
I can be levelheaded, and it seems I’m the most levelheaded person in my house, thinking of responsibilities, things that would have to be done afterward and doing it calmly.
Also, its day 21 in my radical self love journey, and I am just now starting to realize and notice things, plus, I neglected my last blog a lot. I think I might end up keeping this blog after February is over.